God Melted my Anger

Judging from my smile, you would never have guessed that I was burning on inside but there were a handful of years in my life when vicious words swirled in my mind and anger took the place of peace.  Disappointment, lack of sleep, failure and chaos certainly contributed to this mental/emotional state but years later, after coming out of that fog, I am amazed to see that the things that really made a difference were small things that God gently fostered which bought me to a place of greater ease.

Have you ever felt seething frustration that you can’t seem to shake?  Continue reading “God Melted my Anger”

You Will Bloom More than Once

Autumn and Natalie Merchant are similar.  I get all sentimental, sad and discontent when Natalie Merchant enticingly sings,

“Theeeese are days you’ll remember
Never before and never since
I promise
Will the whole world be warm as this”  

It makes me miss childhood, high school, college, engagement, young adulthood, the toddler years, these years.  It makes me prematurely miss today and tomorrow.  Fall feels the same way at times.  Goodbye summer.  Goodbye warmth.  It was fun while it lasted.  But now, eternal winter is around the corner and you can never return to this glory.

Well, thankfully, those are mostly lies. Continue reading “You Will Bloom More than Once”

Is Everything God’s Will? (part 1)

I think often about the “problem of evil.”  Probably everyone does.  Usually my thoughts are not very clear and I always give up, holding out hope for some future in-depth conversation with a wise friend about it all.  In my fantasy, we’ll have the Bible in one hand and the Summa Theologicae in the other, then after tears and sweat and hours of cross referencing, prayer, fasting, arguing and synthesizing, we’ve got it!  Doesn’t work that way?  Are you sure?  But wouldn’t it be worth it to have that conversation?  Well, maybe, since I’m feeling less inhibited than usual, with your permission, we can engage in a tiny bit of that life long debate here. Continue reading “Is Everything God’s Will? (part 1)”

Give from God’s Strength

I’ve found myself feeling pulled in a million directions and failing people at every turn.  People who have a legitimate right to my love and attention- friends, parents, children, spouse, neighbors, school administrators… are often cut short and do not get what they deserve from me.  This is true also of the orphan, the widow, the poor, the sick, the friendless – people who I read about, who I pass on the street, who I know are out there.  Like everyone else in this world, I need to learn that I am limited.  Yet, my own smallness enables me to humbly tap into God’s eternal love. Continue reading “Give from God’s Strength”

High Five the Runner

This morning on the last block of my run, I saw an old Japanese man shuffling toward me on his own exercise endeavor. Ask just about anyone in this neighborhood and they will know who I’m talking about since he evokes quite a bit of admiration and perhaps even worry.  This beautiful man has unmistakably hobbled through these streets for years.  I’ve never seen him anywhere else- only pounding the pavement- one noisy foot in front of the other.  His body is inclined in a mix between an Olympian track star who is using gravity to propel him faster and an arthritic patient who has just gotten up from a soft chair. Mouth gaping open, the gnats flee from his presence as he laboriously sucks in gallons of air.  I wish he were my grandpa.  Continue reading “High Five the Runner”

The Nudge of God – do I listen?

Let’s presume that, my husband and I are in a “conversation” trying to figure out the softball, soccer, dance drop off, pick up, carpool schedule when I hear a little voice in my head saying, “smile at him.”  I really don’t feel like it so I cock my head to the side and raise my eyebrow up a little further.  Or imagine that my kids are fighting downstairs and something urges me to go sit with them and figure it out but I’m busy with an e-mail so I ignore it.  I have not cracked open the bible yet today and my heart pounds a bit when I see my book next to an empty chair but I eat a handful of chocolate covered almonds and scribble out my grocery list while doing 5 other things at the same time.  How long will I continue to hear that voice and ignore it? Continue reading “The Nudge of God – do I listen?”

Give from God’s Strength

I’ve found myself feeling pulled in a million directions and failing people at every turn.  People who have a legitimate right to my love and attention- friends, parents, children, spouse, neighbors, school administrators… are often cut short and do not get what they deserve from me.  This is true also of the orphan, the widow, the poor, the sick, the friendless – people who I read about, who I pass on the street, who I know are out there.  Like everyone else in this world, I need to learn that I am limited.  Yet, my own smallness enables me to humbly tap into God’s eternal love. Continue reading “Give from God’s Strength”